5 Keys to a Successful Coaching Relationship

Rosa Say, author of Managing with Aloha (http://www.managingwithaloha.com ), would agree with the assertion that managing and leadership go hand in hand. Understanding the difference, however, and when to be a manager vs a leader, is a key to effective coaching.

The tag line on my email reads, “Lead people, manage numbers.” Simply put, it means you should coach people to get them to meet the metrics; staring at the numbers (charts, spreadsheets, comparative reports) won’t move the numbers. Only people, behaving responsibly and responsively can do that. There are times when coaching has to step aside for managing. For example, when an employee resists taking direction, infects other team members with negative behaviors, or defies the team/company methodologies; in effect, when the employee “goes rogue”. In these instances, you have to take off your coach’s hat and put on the manger’s cap. This may mean anything from having a role/rule clarification discussion to taking disciplinary action.

Because the lines between the roles as coach and manager can become blurred, it’s critical that the coach/coachee relationship be established with clear expectations and monitoring steps right out of the shoot.

Our colleagues at the Center for Creative Leadership, CCL (http://www.ccl.org/leadership/index.aspx 0), have a series of podcasts related to individual and team coaching. I’ve summarized some of the best coaching tips here, but I encourage you to explore CCL’s free podcasts available through iTunes.

1. Be prepared to always look for the best in people and the situation – as they say at Senn Delaney (http://www.senndelaney.com ), “assume innocence”. Start the coaching relationship with a positive mindset and assume the coachee is willing to learn, reflect and grow.
2. Be explicit about what you, the coach, want out of the relationship, and seek out what the coachee wants to accomplish. Be sure your goals match before beginning – if they don’t, try to compromise. If that doesn’t work, then suggest a different coach.
3. Be clear about the coach vs manager role. If you are in both roles with the coachee, then establish signals so that it will be clear when you move from role to role. Starting sentences with, “Are you ready for some coaching?” or “I would like to talk to you about your performance,” define whether you will be coaching or managing. If you are not in a managing role, however, establish whether or not the results of the coaching sessions will be shared with the manager or not. Trust is a critical piece of the coaching relationship, and a breach of trust is a deal killer.
4. Encourage, and actually insist, that the coachee develop self-awareness. This is perhaps the most difficult step for a coachee, because the only way you can truly be self-aware is if you ask for feedback from everyone around you, and hope they are telling you the truth. The best rule of thumb goes something like this, “If one man calls you an ass, ignore him. But if three men call you an ass, go out and buy a saddle for yourself.”
5. When the coachee is reflecting on a negative outcome or experience, ask questions to elicit reflective problem solving rather than give advice on how to do it right next time. It is much quicker to just tell the coachee how to “fix it”, but our peers don’t learn by having it fixed for them. Oftentimes I encourage the coachee to collaboratively develop the solution with those the coachee is having the most difficulty – keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.

Next time we’ll explore steps one can take to develop self-awareness and reflect on one’s own behaviors, successes and opportunities for improvement.